What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 16:46
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
What were some of the unforgettable incidents from your school life?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
How short is too short for a skirt?
She married twice! .
She was in good health!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
(And it was in our own minds.)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
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He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Put me off passion for life!!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Homophobia is clearly a harmful mental sickness. What can LGBT people do to cure it?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
What do you think about a sister's love?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My life is so biszare .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Why didn’t Obito confront Kakashi after he witnessed him kill Rin?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It was going to be , some day.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She found it foreign!.
Would this be the day?
I never cut or harmed myself..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I think the readers, may guess!
But ive been too sick for many years..
One cannot live in the past .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My family never makes their pension either.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I will be 64.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I don,t even have a pension.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But it wasn’t much.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I was 9 years of age.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I waited trembling.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
When she asked me how she looked .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I write beautiful poetry .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
So, i spoilt her more .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was very sick at this time too.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But, we were locked up after school.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
This is soul school!.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was scared of men, in general
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
All the time i was locked up.
We all went to grammer schools
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Why did i forgive my father ?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He knew the spot.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And i lived it daily.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Im still living with it.
I said to her
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
What did i know ?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We were not on the streets..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I have no regrets .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was seconnd youngest,
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Ive learnt so much.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Comes on , in middle age.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She loved him until the end.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Especially a lifetime of it.
She wouldn,t have been !
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Who then, do I blame.?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Was to survive, this bastard.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
So whats the point in blame.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.